It’s My Birthday and the War in Iraq is Over

*Not necessarily in order of importance.

Now I know, Messrs. Obamadin, that you plan on sending our boys and girls off to die in the Tomb of Empires – Afghanistan. I think it’s time we stopped. I know you disagree. I’m sure you’ve read Sebastian Junger’s masterstroke “War” – or seen the documentary “Restrepo“. I know you lived the debacle depicted in Bob Woodward’s “Obama’s Wars“. So I know you know I’m undeniably correct to say, please stop, whether or not you agree.

However, I appreciate you – quite deliberately, I’m sure – giving me the greatest birthday present I could ask for. I’ll work my shitty, soul-crushing, dead-end job and be sincerely and unironically thankful for a little bit longer. I’ll do it knowing I don’t live in a country that’s prosecuting all the war’s of one of our dumbest – if not worst – presidents. Now, maybe my brother’s birthday in March (the Ides) can serve as the end of the last mistake that you have within your power to stop. If you insist on the time frame for Afghanistan, then, I’m sorry. I am not convinced they want to stop mud-farming and throwing acid in their daughter’s faces.


Thanks for the birthday present.


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