Pundit Makes Grave Historical Error, Goes Unnoticed, Cat Meows

"God immunizes you to cognitive dissonance!"

Hey.  So, I’m sure you’ve heard of this Glen Beck guy.  Let’s keep it short.  He gave a speech in front of the Lincoln Memorial.  You know, the butcher of the South.  Wait, that was Grant.  Lincoln was the Butcher’s chief cheerleader.  Also, he was the one pretty much paragon of the South’s cause, in that after the war he didn’t inact some truly Treaty of Versailles-level bullshit on the South like everyone else wanted.  Also, he put up with Mary Todd Lincoln AND four years of chronic constipation.  Basically, he’s a saint.

A saint who got beat with the ugly stick.

One thing Lincoln wasn’t a big fan of.  The G-man.  Half-life players, shut up.  I’m not talking to you for once.

Lincoln pretty much didn’t give two fucks about that God character.  This is mostly because he did not believe in magic.

This guy believes in Magic. Are we all following the difference?

Mr. Number-One-President would not even be characterized as a deist, mostly because he was brought up fully a half-century after that frivolity of the Enlightenment ended.  I’m going to have to insist you click that link. It’s a chart of several surveys of historians and their rankings of the presidents.

Man, so it’s taken me this long to get to my point.

Glenn Beck invoked Gawd-Almighty-Himself to be the key determinant of the thousands of attendees who quaked with fervor in the presence of Himself’s avatar incarnate.  Going so far as to say:

Something beyond imagination is happening, America today begins to turn back to recognize your place to the creator. Realize that he is our king. He is the one who guides and directs our life and protects us. I ask, not only if you would pray on your knees, but pray on your knees but with your door open for your children to see.

So, on the steps of the memorial to the guy who famously chided the American voting public for invoking God to help brother smite brother*, 150 ish years later, a know-nothing demogogue pulls the proverbial wool over the eyes of well-meaning and uneducated voters.

I guess what I’m saying, is like, let’s spend some more money on education so we don’t have to worry about Know-Nothing Tyrants.  As an advocate for benevolent dictatorship of seculars, I find it hard to fathom the desire to instate a theocracy of Christian evangelists and, even worse, Mormons.



In great contests each party claims to act in accordance with the will of God. Both may be, and one must be, wrong. God cannot be for and against the same thing at the same time. In the present civil war it is quite possible that God’s purpose is something different from the purpose of either party—and yet the human instrumentalities, working just as they do, are of the best adaptation to effect his purpose. I am almost ready to say this is probably true—that God wills this contest, and wills that it shall not end yet. By his mere quiet power, on the minds of the now contestants, He could have either saved or destroyed the Union without a human contest. Yet the contest began. And having begun He could give the final victory to either side any day. Yet the contest proceeds.

Abraham Lincoln


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